


BONE?!

by Trixxster103



Category: Carmen Sandiego (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/F, Post Season 2, Rating May Change, Romance, There's like the barest plot justification to get Julia and Carmen in the same city, This is just a Brooklyn 99 reference poorly duct taped to some smut and fluff, porn with only a little plot, this fic is just for them to bone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 13:20:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21075536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trixxster103/pseuds/Trixxster103
Summary: Carmen and Julia are in a relationship and haven't seen each other for months. They've been tense and snappish and can't figure out why. Their friends don't hesitate to point out what they've both missed.Chapter 1 & 2: TChapter 3: E





	BONE?!

Carmen felt a headache looming, and she pressed her fingers to the bridge of her nose. The atmosphere of their new home had grown tense and frustrating more quickly than she had thought it would. Normally she could handle the heat, but lately she felt sticky, too hot, and her mind felt slushy. A swirly, nervous energy coiled in her gut, dammed up inside of her, refusing to break no matter how many jogs she went on, or how much physical training she did.

“Look, I’ll say whatever you want me to for the caper, but I still don’t understand it.” A frustrated sigh hissed out of Carmen’s mouth and she dropped her hands to hit the table below her hard.

The tension in the room grew thicker. On the table was the laptop Player used to communicate with them. The boy was currently looking awkwardly beyond Carmen, trying to catch the eye of anyone else. Shadowsan was sitting beside her, covered in crumpled pieces of paper and writing out numbers and figures in hurried neat scrawl. Ivy and Zack watched warily from the kitchen, drinking hot chocolate and trying to pretend they didn’t exist.

“Why don’t we just do that then, Carmen? You don’t have to understand it to answer the question correctly.” Player made the suggestion carefully.

“I’m good at math though!” Carmen yelled it as she threw her hands wide, accidentally hitting Shadowsan in the shoulder, and creating a rain of paper onto the ground. “I just don’t understand this insane Monty Hall problem.”

V.I.L.E. was apparently either growing desperate or just trying to fuck with her specifically, because their latest venture was investing in and buying up a number of predatory game shows on cable T.V. in America. They charged per person for the chance to play and win, banking on fixed games to secure their profit. Their newest venture, a modern redoing of the Monty Hall problem was going to debut soon, and Player had gotten her an in to the game. All she had to do was beat them and win, disrupting their strategy, and allowing the rest of the gang in the audience to access their game show operations.

The problem was that Carmen absolutely couldn’t understand the solution at all. Why would switching ever make the probability go up?

“A new approach may be best. Perhaps something more physical, similar to your training.” Shadowsan suggested quietly.

Carmen ground her teeth. “No!”

The outburst drew everyone’s eyes and Player was about to say something when Carmen continued.

“I don’t need Monty Hall ruining my training routine, which I like, when it’s already ruining the place where I live.”

Ivy and Zack shared a glance. And decided it was time to finally intervene. After all, Carmen was their friend and they only wanted what was best for her. What was the worst that could happen?

“Carm,” Ivy started, moving to stand beside her. “It’s not about the math.”

Zack joined her and finished the thought for her as she sipped her drink, not wanting to say it herself, but loath to drag the conversation out any further. “It’s been months since you’ve seen Jules. You two just need to bone.”

Player let a quiet whimper. Shadowsan dropped his pen. Ivy and Zack sipped their drinks with complete nonchalance.

“What did you say?” Carmen asked, voice rising several octaves too high.

“Please don’t say it again,” Player begged.

“You two just need to bone.” Zack repeated, uncharacteristically deadpan. He finished his hot chocolate.

Carmen exploded up, knocking the laptop askew and flinging paper and pens (and a small model of the Monty Hall doors Shadowsan had folded out of origami) everywhere. “How _dare _you!”

There was no describing the anger Carmen felt, and it rushed through her in a torrent, unable to be turned off. She saw red. Literally. Grabbing her coat, she started angrily pacing the length of the living room. Everyone else watched in silence. Shadowsan looked more tired than usual with them.

5 minutes later

“Bone?!” she screamed. Shadowsan was grateful that Zack and Ivy had thought to sound proof their new home.

Carmen went back to pacing and mumbling incoherently.

10 minutes later

“My sex life is none of your business!”

20 minutes later

“BONE?!” Somehow she managed to yell that one even louder, and rattle the windows.

40 minutes later

“Don’t ever suggest something like that again!” Carmen screamed as she slammed the door to the outside so hard Zack thought the hinges might break off.

There was a long, awkward silence as she stormed off. Zack and Ivy went to refill their hot chocolates. Yes, Carmen had yelled at them, and yes, Player was looking a little traumatized, but it was a different kind of yelling than the kind Carmen had done after they screwed up the caper with Sterling. Carmen wasn’t yelling because of them. So, basically, it was a success.

Player let out a long shaky breath, eyes wider than they’d ever seen.

“Why would you do that?” Shadowsan asked.

“Carm was pent up. Now she knows.” Ivy shrugged.

“Problem solved.” Zack added.

They high fived as they drained their drinks.

**Author's Note:**

> There will be smut eventually, once I get past the super basic plot that gets Julia to California. Short chapters cause they're fun. (Well, at least until we get to the dirty bit, that'll be much longer.) 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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